Sprint, crouch in cover, poke out, scan for keffiyehs, turbans, take a bullet, return a few, crouch back, move up, cutscene.
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Anton Ferdinand had an effort ruled out, substitute Peter Crouch headed Spurs back in contention but Boudewijn Zenden's stunning volley sealed it.
And after having another shot deflected narrowly over, Van der Vaart finally got his reward when he headed in at the far post after Crouch had nodded back Pavlyuchenko's cross.
After 65 minutes, Wembley erupted when Crouch brought England back on level terms with his 14th goal for his country, superbly chesting down a superb cross from Beckham drilling past the keeper.
Cudos as well to Peter Crouch, who bounced back from Tuesday's sending off with two well-taken headed goals.
Credit to the home side, who did not alter their attacking approach and they were rewarded for this just after the half hour when Crouch climbed at the back post to head home Huddlestone's cross.
Carragher produced an excellent cross to the back post and Crouch rose above Phil Bardsley to head past Gordon.
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No one with a bad back would have to crouch to putt.
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Bale, who tormented Pompey throughout, ended one of his many marauding runs from left back with a delightful cross that Crouch nodded in from six yards.
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The Dutchman stole in behind the home side's defence after Peter Crouch rose above Phil Neville to steer Alan Hutton's cross back into the six-yard area.
For more than three minutes, he walks back and forth, and at one time appears to crouch in a "karate stance, " according to the man who captured the scene.
Crouch is another of those who plays towards his own goal and we've got to get back to playing in a positive manner.
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So it was no surprise when the hosts doubled their lead, debutant Kyle Walker laying the ball back to Luka Modric, the Croatian's shot blocked, and Kranjcar - like Crouch, a former Portsmouth star himself - impudently flicking in the rebound.
Crouch spoke earlier with NPR's Ed Gordon, and said that on this album, he reached back for that old-time gospel feeling.
Shortly before half-time Little again whipped in a decent deep cross for Crouch but he could only head weakly into the hands of Friedel as he attempted to guide the ball back on the direction it came.
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