IBM, in partnership with the Singapore Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology, has developed a hydrogel that can be smeared all over such implants, greatly reducing the risk of infection.

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The carbon amalgam can be applied from solution using simple methods, meaning the flexible cells could be used to coat surfaces, although you won't be seeing it smeared over anything too soon.

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He refused to be turned on even when a female Swiss zoology graduate, smeared with tortoise hormones, gave him manual stimulation for four months.

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Elephants can be deterred by electric fences, where they can be afforded, or, it is hoped, by a rope smeared with a pungent mixture of grease and hot chilli peppers.

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