Investigators were already suspicious about the propriety of Mr. Bauer's trading, but couldn't make a case against him.

WSJ: The Confessions of an Inside Trader

So if watching your fantasies play out on TV doesn't quite scratch that itch, you can enact them yourself down at the range -- or get a concealed carry permit, and convince yourself that the only reason you're not Jack Bauer is that the right opportunity hasn't yet presented itself.

CNN: Not man enough? Buy a gun

"We know how we did with one, and it wasn't a smooth transition, " said Bauer, 28, a glass artist in Troy, Ohio.

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