My bluff was transparent. At least that was obvious to me. They never caught on to how awkward I actually was. Holly lured me into this world, and for the last few years I fought the anxiety of being outted. Any second now I knew one of them would jump up and yell, ‘he's different.’ It was inevitable, I knew that, and yet I still had no defense. I never fit in with the rest of them, but they accepted me. I surrendered to live in fear of the lie rather than be free and be hated. Below my skin, teeth, and muscles I was a self perpetuated mass of nerves, not cool. They thought I was cool, I guessed, but high school politics were just the tip of my downfall. So I beefed up my buffer and played along. Every part of my body ached.

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