... live to oneself 过孤独的生活... the will to live 求生的意志 live from hand to mouth 生活无保障(现挣现吃...
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这意味着他已丧失求生的意志。
求生的意志被削弱了，身体用疾病来做出反应。
The will to live is being weakened, the body reacts with diseases.
“那是彻骨的悲伤，但并未将我击倒，”他后来写道，“那时，我从对绘画的热爱中寻求生活的意志。”
“Sorrow all but overwhelmed me,” he later wrote. “Then I turned to my love of painting for the will to live.”
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