I have tried my best to filter out the shit you have eaten your whole life.
我已经试图尽我最大的努力去滤走那些你在此生中所吃下的垃圾。
Pair of extra shoes, 500lbs. college degree, 250lbs, extra pair of pants 250lbs, 60 inch flatscreen LCD-250lbs. The more shit you own, the fatter you are.
本科学位250磅，特别的裤子250磅，60英尺超薄液晶显示屏250磅，你有越多的杂物，你就越胖。
Because the Coupole serves porridge at all hours and porridge makes you shit.
因为库波勒全天都上麦片粥，麦片粥是叫你吃了拉屎的。
These gas station attendants have no idea how to arrange a bouquet and although it may seem ridiculous to you, women hate that shit.
那些加油站的跟班完全不懂如何去把花束包扎漂亮。但女士们极其厌恶那些花，虽然对你来说这很荒谬。
I am a very positive person but I have to say CRAPPY.. I am going to be honest and tell you there are days where you will feel like total shit.
虽然我是一个非常积极的人，但我仍然要使用“糟透了”这个词。我这样说是为了诚实地告诉你那段日子确实非常糟糕。
Just don't go out of your way to hang out with them, knowing they'll make you feel like shit in the end.
也不要把自己出来方式用在和他们的出行中，不要让自己最终感觉像狗屎一样。
No, if you want to see your enemy in real time, you need to get sci-fi on that shit.
抱歉，现实中你要真想能看到你的敌人们在干嘛，恐怕你只能去找科幻书了。
If you read some of those emails you'll know it gets pretty shit at this end too.
要是你读到这些邮件你就能感受到这一切有多屎。
"We're living in a world that's being poisoned by over-sharing," he scoffs, "The whole Twitter experience is a sharing sickness, who really gives a shit what you had for lunch?"
“我们的世界快被过度的分享给毁了，”他嘲笑道：“整个Twitter这事儿就是一种分享强迫症，谁真会鸟你天天吃啥！”
Do you think the person is defective or bad.. or do you simply chalk that up to 'shit happens'?
那么你认为那个人是个骗子或是坏人吗……或者你只是把它归为“今天杯具了”？
You don’t need to be carrying around so much shit that you need a “man purse” or “man satchel”.
你根本不需要随身携带那么多杂物，你只需要一个“男士钱包”或者一个“男士挎包”。
Marvin ran the kid down, over six blocks, and slashed him across the neck, because you can't let shit happen.
马文翻遍了六个街区找到那个小男孩，挥刀划破了他的脖子，因为谁也受不了这种鬼事发生的。
A is for Arteries.You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
就是你前女友最后给你留下的那堆没用的东西，因为丫就从来都没真正关心过你，丫不过就是看上了你的钱，她给你的都是些没有的垃圾。
A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
就是你前女友最后给你留下的那堆没用的东西，因为丫就从来都没真正关心过你，丫不过就是看上了你的钱，她给你的都是些没有的垃圾。
Tyler says, "Use a little imagination." Remember all that pioneer shit they taught you in Boy Scouts.
泰勒说：“稍稍动动脑子。”牢记在童子军里学到的那些狗屎开拓精神。
Many people sell shit that they don't really care about (I hope that is not you by the way).
很多人销售业绩烂，以至于他们都不在真正关心销售业绩。
If Mom catches you smoking in the house, you'll be up shit creek.
如果你在家里抽烟让妈妈逮到，你就惨了。
Another thing you said you didn't like: how we blow shit up when there's people inside it.
还有件事你说过不太喜欢：我们经常在人多的地方搞爆破。
When you're in prison, if you're called for and you don't show up, you are in very very deep shit.
当你是监狱里的犯人，如果在被长官呼叫时没有反应，你会很惨。
So, don't shit in front of the fly, because it will feel like you are in the show.
所以说，不要在苍蝇面前拉屎，因为对于它来说，会觉得你是在炫富。
Think about that when you're walking around the mall: Eight out of ten of those people you see would torture the shit out of a puppy if a dude in a lab coat asked them to.
请想象一下，当你漫步在购物中心时——你周围有80%的人都愿意对一只小狗施以极端酷刑，只要一个穿着实验室工作服的人要求他们这样做。
Imagine taking a 400-pound shit, and you can see how this might turn you inside out.
试想一下屙一陀400磅的屎，你就能明白这为什么会把你从里到外翻过来了。
But you take these things away, you throw people in the dark, you scare the shit out of them, no more rules.
但是现在你把这些都拿走，把他们扔进黑暗里，然后把他们吓得尿裤子，就不再有所谓的准则了。
But you take these things away, you throw people in the dark, you scare the shit out of them, no more rules.
但是现在你把这些都拿走，把他们扔进黑暗里，然后把他们吓得尿裤子，就不再有所谓的准则了。
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