我发现结婚证上的那个女人是我的老婆。哇，原来她不是因为我帅要与我合照在一块。
I find that woman on the marriage certificate is my wife. Oh, she didn't take a group photo with me owing to my handsome face.
我讨厌女孩留长长的指甲，不幸的是，我老婆就有这习惯。 真是个悲剧。
I hate girls with long nails and unfortunately my wife has the same trait, it is a misery.
他的潜意识告诉自己：我的朋友是个好人，只是碰巧背叛了他老婆，大概再好男人也难免出轨。
The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.
于是在痛苦的折磨之后，我老婆觉得最好是结束我们的生命，也不能把孩子留给别人。
So after a horrendous ordeal, my wife felt it better to end our lives and why leave our children in someone's else's hands.
于是他微笑着说：“这11支是我买给我老婆的。”
The man smiled and said, "I'm buying 11 of these roses for my wife."
今天是10年来最热的一天。我老婆却把烧水壶打开。
It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle.
“我都不会用，”他指着一台笔记本说，“是我老婆的。”
"I don't even know how to use it," he said, motioning toward a laptop. "it belongs to my wife."
人与人联系更直截了当的例子是我老婆上周在Facebook上的留言，当时她到家而我出去了。
Much more straightforward, in the people-connection department, was my wife's comment left on Facebook last week when she got home and I was gone.
因此当我老婆从我的傻笑中看作是玩世不恭时，她是对的。她对这个表情的诠释令她对此的认知产生了偏见。
So when my wife remembers my smirk as cynicism, she is right: her explanation of the expression at the time biased her perception of it.
晚餐上的每个人都笑而不语，我想这不过是出于礼貌。但我看我那个倒霉老婆还并没有明白别人问他的是我的个人品性，可不是什么功利目的。
Everyone at the dinner table smiled, out of politeness I think, but I think my poor wife simply didn't realise that she she was being asked for human qualities, not pragmatic ones.
我承认家里的衣服是我老婆洗，但做饭和扫除工作都是我们一起干的。
Admittedly, my wife does the laundry, but we share in cooking and cleaning duties, and most of it is painless as we have a pretty sparse home.
约翰·戴维斯，曾是电影“我，机器人”(i, Robot)、“我的老婆是巨无霸”(Norbit，又名“诺比特”)的制片人，现正致力于改编“格列佛游记”，以期搬上银幕。
JOHN DAVIS has produced films such as "I, Robot" and "Norbit", and is working on an adaptation of "Gulliver's Travels". He also invests in businesses as diverse as restaurants and scaffolding.
如果你是一个人，并且你偷走了我的老婆，我不能再黑暗的小巷里在背后刺你一刀。
If you're a man, and you steal my wife, I don't stab you in the back down a dark alley at night.
我的爸爸，是我见过最可爱的爸爸，直到他36岁的时候才娶了个25岁的老婆，也就是我的妈妈。
My father, the most adorable father I've ever seen, didn't marry my mother until he was thirty-six and she was twenty-five.
我还没有选定颜色和型号，但我付的是现金，并且我告诉店员们，我将在星期三下午4点30分，带着我老婆来决定颜色和型号。
I didn't pick the color and I didn't pick the model, but I paid cash and told them I'd bring Jane in on Wednesday at 4:30 to make those two decisions.
有同事说他是回通县看老婆去，真让我想不到他的家就在这么近的地方。
A colleague has said he is back to his wife to see through county, I thought he was in the house so close.
这个标志基本上是一种威胁，就是告诉大家我有个大声尖叫的婴儿和一个喋喋不休的老婆，我不再怕死了！
This sign is basically a threat. it just says I have a screaming baby and a nagging wife and I am not afraid of dying anymore.
要是我喝多了酒，开着车，把个漂亮女人整成了瘾君子的话，我也不好意思跟人说我有这么个老婆。 【broccoli是花椰菜的意思，不过在俚语中表示大麻，这边我也不是很确定是不是说Self的老婆因为车祸残疾然后情绪低落吸上了大麻之类的了。】
I wouldn't talk about my wife either if I'd had a few too many bourbons, got behind the wheel, and turned a beautiful young woman into a piece of broccoli.
如果你老婆（女友）周五晚上不在你身边，赶快再找一个吧！我是说，赶快给你的女性朋友打个电话，带着她来参加我们的活动吧！
If your wife (girlfriend) is not with you at Friday night, please find one! I mean, call your lady friend up, and bring her to Amazing Friday.
但儿子说不对，暗号不对暗号是老婆和儿子之间约定的，我不太清楚。
But the son says not to, mysterious password not to hidden password is of the wife and son appointment of, I ain't that clear.
我简直不敢相信自己的耳朵，睁大了眼睛好奇地问：“您说的是真的吗？”老婆婆轻轻点了一下头。
I couldn't believe my ears, eyes curiously ask: "you say is true?" The old woman nodded gently.
我的邻居是犹太人。有一天早上，他跑下楼，发现他老婆正被人强J！
My Jewish neighbour told me of his relief when he went downstairs one morning, to find his wife being raped.
我岳父是个在NBA效力了10年的退役老将。有些和我老婆有关的小故事。这是一种很奇异的生活模式。
My Father-in-law was a 10 year NBA vet. Wife has some good stories. Definitely a very weird lifestyle.
当我回到家以后，我老婆以为我是个入室的小偷，随手就拿了个东西砸过来。
When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me.
这个晚上的经历像噩梦一样在我的脑海里反复回映，挥之不去，最大的安慰是能回到家，和老婆待在一起！
The experience has been recalled again and again in my mind, as once nightmare. The great comfort to me was that I could come back home staying besides my wife!
这个晚上的经历像噩梦一样在我的脑海里反复回映，挥之不去，最大的安慰是能回到家，和老婆待在一起！
The experience has been recalled again and again in my mind, as once nightmare. The great comfort to me was that I could come back home staying besides my wife!
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