我讲的笑话都是我从你那里听到的。
如果你问“你是怎么到这里来的？”这样的问题，它便会引出“我开我那辆破旧车来的”或“我乘坐公共汽车来的，车后面那群疯子讲一些无聊的笑话而哈哈大笑”。
If you ask the question "How did you get here?", it can bring in "I have this old, broken-down vehicle" or "I rode the bus with these crazy people who were laughing at silly jokes in the back."
告诉自己“所有的人都会笑话我”或“我要失败了”，你的自信心就会枯萎。
Tell yourself "Everyone's going to laugh at me" or "I'm going to fail" and your self-confidence withers.
这不是个问题，我想，除了这个，仅仅只是个笑话，事实上，我认为在美国，你会学到很多的领导知识，我真的相信这一点，我真的相信美国。
Not a problem, I assumed Apart from that, which was just to do a joke it's true that I think that you learn a lot about leadership in the us I really believe that I really believe that the U.S..
如果我是一本笑话书，我愿每天打开，让你笑口常开。
If I were a joke book, I'd be open everyday. And make you laugh happily.
玩笑话，你对我那粗大腿的评论让我不想和你睡一起。
Seriously. That comment you just made about my thunder thighs does not make me want to sleep with you.
这个是我在我们两个半小时前的采访中用到的一个笑话：我还不知道你的电影的名字呢。
It's the punch line of a joke I've been using since we started two and a half hours earlier: I still don't know the name of your movie.
并且，你瞧，真是笑话，我们竟会在有床铺的房间里吃饭，我还不如死了的好。
And then you see it is horrible, here we are dining in a room with a bed in it, and that disgusts me with life.
有一个老笑话，Homer去检查身体被告知，“你的胆固醇水平高得致命，不过，我更关心你的肉汤水平。”
There is an old episode of "The Simpsons" in which Homer goes for a checkup and is told, "Your cholesterol level is lethally high, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level."
你是否还记得我们第一次见面的那天，我跟你讲了一些并不好笑的笑话，你虽然有些烦，但还是装作大笑的样子？
Remember the day when we first met and how I annoyed you with my not-so-funny jokes, and how you pretended to laugh at them?
“你知道么，”他指着小鞋，继续说，“我和一个老外结婚就够丢脸的了，如果你还浪费我的钱去到处买一些羞耻之物，人们会笑话我的。”
"You know," he continued, pointing to the little shoe, "I lost face marrying a foreigner, and if you go around squandering my money on objects of shame, people will ridicule me."
如果你看见我在公众场合露出迷之微笑，说明我被自己在脑袋里讲的笑话逗乐了。
If you see me smiling in public it means I'm laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
弗农叔叔：你破坏了我关于日本高尔夫手笑话里最精彩的部分。
Uncle Vernon: You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke.
我玩得愉快吗？你在说笑？我想我一整晚被彼得叔叔的笑话逗得都笑成呆瓜了。他儿子雅各的英语讲得无懈可击。
Did I? Are you kidding? I think I made a fool of myself laughing all night at Uncle Peter's jokes. His son Jacob speaks English perfectly.
科林：让我来给你讲个笑话，看看是不是能把你逗笑。
Colin: Well, let me tell you a joke and see if I can make you laugh.
我会为你的所有笑话而笑。我的爱人，你不需要哄我。哦，玛吉，我不能再尝试了。
I laughed at all of your jokes. My love, you didn't need to coax. Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried any more.
终有一天，你会说，老朋友，我不再喜欢听你们无聊的笑话。
The day has to come when you have to say, fellows, I don't enjoy your jokes anymore.
有时我真的无法理解你的笑话。
我猜这笑话只有在内布拉斯加州才会好笑。就目前的数据来说，你还不能得出这结论。
I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska. From the data at hand, you really can't draw that conclusion.
如果我告诉你我能说广东话，但是我说出来的广东话却像江西话或是上海话，那么你就要笑话我。
If I tell you I can speak Cantonese, but I speak Cantonese like people who speak Jiangxinese or Shanghainese, you're gonna laugh at me.
你还真能装，板着个脸，我是过了一会儿才领悟你的笑话的。
You have such a dry sense of humor and you keep such a straight face that it takes minutes for the joke to dawn on me.
才不是整个晚上呢。我回想起来好像都是你自己在笑你自己讲的笑话。
It was hardly all night. And I recall it was you doing all the laughing at your own jokes.
我要告诉你一个笑话：从前我有一只小狗，当我咳嗽的时候，它总是用悲哀的神气瞅着我，它是我唯一喜爱过的动物。
Once I had a little dog who used to look at me with sad eyes when I coughed: he was the only living creature I have ever loved.
我不要全县的人都谈论你和笑话你，说你成天痴心想着一个男人，而那个人却根本无意于你，只维持一般的友谊罢了。
I'll not be having the County gossiping and laughing at you for mooning your heart out about a man who never gave you a thought beyond friendship.
你给我们讲的那个笑话简直老掉了牙，不过我认为还是很有趣的。
The joke you told us is as old as Adam, but I still think it's funny.
你给我们讲的那个笑话简直老掉了牙，不过我认为还是很有趣的。
The joke you told us is as old as Adam, but I still think it's funny.
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