The matter in your essay is good but the style is deplorable.
你文章的内容很好，但是体裁太糟糕了。
Make sure you research the school well and provide the details in your essay.
请确信你对要转去的学校有较深的了解并在你的作文里提供细节的东西。
Note: The title and first paragraph are probably the most important elements in your essay.
备注：题目和第一段也许就是你论文中最重要的一环。
All this tips will help you in writing your essay.
这些建议将帮助你写完文章。
Write the essay in your (exercise -) books, not on rough paper.
把文章写在练习簿里，不要写在草稿纸上。
Be careful not to introduce new ideas in the conclusion of your essay.
小心不要在你的文章的结论才引入新的想法。
In the preview screen, you will see your essay.
在预览界面上，你能看到你的论文。
A bad grade is only one letter in the essay of your life.
糟糕的成绩单只是人生篇章中的一个字母。
Thank you for your time and passion in assembling this essay.
很感谢您花的时间，用了这般热情去写了这片文章。
Variety in your sentences will make your essay easier to read (and thus more memorable).
句式多样化能够使你的短文更容易懂，因而也更容易让人记住。
Variety in your sentences will make your essay easier to read (and thus more memorable).
句式多样化能够使你的短文更容易懂，因而也更容易让人记住。
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