As he puts it, 'It's the biggest pain in the ass - you can wait two hours to sit and the staff is hands-down the meanest - but it's most frequently giving you the perfect pizza.

BBC: Where is the US's best pizza?

There is an old saying: if you kick a mastodon in the ass, twenty minutes later it will say ouch. (Sadly, no mastodon has been around for a while to confirm the accuracy of this).

FORBES: The GOP's Moment of Truth

But Coach will tell you, when them streetlights come on, his ass got to be right back here: Nine o'clock, he's got to be in the house.

CNN: Ex-NBA star coaches middle school, transforms his 'hood

Malkovich is one of those guys who can stun you with his complex work in one movie, then leave you shaking your head in awe at his silly-ass shenanigans in the next one.

CNN: Review: 'Rounders' has nothing up its sleeve

Just being slightly better than the cable company's garbage won't cut it for much longer -- again, the Media Center PC kicks your ass right now, and the high-end customer on which you're currently relying is going to figure that out soon.

ENGADGET: Ten years of TiVo: how far we haven't come

It was simply your job to be an ethical, honest person, work your ass off, do some good for somebody else, and be happy you got to do it.

NPR: Seeking Solutions for the Nation's Broken Schools

Armstrong thus becomes a bad-ass American folk hero, a Robin Hood in stars and stripes, if you like.

FORBES: Did Lance Armstrong Quit The Fight To Hide More Dirt?

You start and finish the challenge on a rooftop in a fixed position with a big-ass sniper rifle.

FORBES: One Week Left to Pre-Order Hitman: Absolution and Take the Sniper Challenge