It weighed 1.5 stone (10kg) but Beth, who uses a 22kg jacket to do exercises, said she felt virtually nothing.

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But sometimes this hatred broke like a wave, collapsing under its own weight, and before it would begin to well up again she suddenly felt nothing but pure compassion for him, a kindness and forgiveness that almost broke her heart.

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The key worker added that she felt "very frustrated" that nothing was being done.

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But nothing was ever good enough for her and she felt surrounded by traitors.

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"They didn't understand the impact of color--they felt it had nothing to do with their devices, " she recalls.

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"Nothing is ever perfect -- I learned that last year when I felt perfect, " she told a press conference.

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