Last week I popped over to Palo Alto airport in my Cessna flying carpet, sat in a corner at an ancient IBM computer and took a 60-question written quiz for my private pilot's instrument rating.

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He placed my chapter ignominiously on the carpet beneath his chair.

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The former military man assigned to the task stared at me long and hard, surrounded by my papers on my knees on a hotel carpet.

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As my eyes adjusted, I realized that this seemingly solid carpet of green was actually a large, dense grouping of water hyacinth, throbbing with electric blue and crimson dragonflies, spindly mottled spiders and monstrous ants.

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The red carpet was no better, despite the desperate attempts of my seemingly shameless reporter cohort.

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My heart skipped a beat just for a moment when Jennifer Aniston stepped onto the red carpet in her red Valentino gown and what looked like a petite jewelry watch on her wrist.

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Having taken my turn at the faucet, I proceeded to the prayer area and knelt on the silk carpet, behind an extremely thin young woman in a black dress and head scarf.

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"One day my list just said, 'I'm glad the dog didn't pee on the carpet', " she recalls.

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