They wouldn't recognize good news if it dropped like gold bricks into their laps.
The Brazilian's pace slowed dramatically but he stayed out for a further five laps.
"It's much too early to say anything about performance, " Vettel said after a few laps.
His team-mate Mark Webber also experienced issues and was unable to complete a normal quota of laps.
Toro Rosso's Sebastian Vettel took the final points place, holding off Heikki Kovalainen's McLaren in the closing laps.
What they found trapped in those filters was enough to make swimmers think twice before logging their laps.
Yes, they want to be rich and famous, but they want success simply to fall into their laps.
But Montoya might also reflect on the wisdom of such a manoeuvre after just two of the 73 laps.
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Englishman Wheldon was bitterly disappointed not to have retained the title after leading for 148 of the 200 laps.
Sato had no problems holding off the field over the remaining 50 laps.
"There were a lot of questions going into today and I answered them, " said Webber, who completed 83 laps.
It was witnessed among parishioners of churches that stood no more, a roadside congregation, holding bibles in their laps.
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The senior race was over seven laps of the L'Eree circuit with the Veteran, Junior and Lady's race over five laps.
Raikkonen's flop followed a "miscalculation" from Ferrari who believed he was safe with his time after running for just five laps.
Smith came home 0.216 seconds in front of Terol, who led a tight battle for the lead until the last eight laps.
Several drivers reported various problems with their cars early on, with Clint Bowyer and Stewart both dropping far back in the opening laps.
With the top two cars in the garage, the rest of the field headed to pit road to reset for the final 100 laps.
Button cruised to a comfortable victory - extending his championship lead to 12 points, while Vettel fought off a challenge from Trulli in the closing laps.
Ryan Newman had the only dash this time around, running across the track and away from his car after it blew a right-front tire for the second time in 140 laps.
If I was a real life buyer, I would probably drive one of my other four cars with the kid in it, and save the 650 for date night or high-speed laps.
In a race where tire strategy was crucial, the front three runners all used their strong early pace on the softer tire to establish an early advantage and all pitted inside six laps.
Lotus was the next best of the new teams, with Heikki Kovalainen finishing 15th and Jarno Trulli 17th -- the last of the entered drivers to register a placing despite completing only 46 laps.
To avoid the problems that led to McLaren drivers Hamilton and Heikki Kovalainen being penalised five grid positions in Malaysia, the drivers have been ordered to continue driving relatively quickly after their qualifying laps.
Dream Racing changed that in 5 fast laps.
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Whereas every dog lab now tests the cognition of its animals while their human owners are blindfolded or asked to face away, young children are still presented with cognitive tasks while sitting on their mothers' laps.
The TSA security directive at issue outlined procedures to increase security, including requiring airlines to conduct physical searches of passengers during certain international flights and prohibiting passengers from keeping pillows and blankets on their laps.
The McLaren pair were cruising back to the pits slowly to save fuel at the end of qualifying in Malaysia when they were narrowly avoided by BMW Sauber's Nick Heidfeld and Renault's Fernando Alonso on their final qualifying laps.
Felipe Massa in the other Ferrari set the race's fastest lap and he, too, might have leapfrogged Barrichello - had he not been stuck behind the newly refuelled and therefore slower Button when he needed to be banging in the fast low-fuel laps.
Hungary's Risztov, the gold medalist, said after the race that the roughness of the sport and the threat of being disqualified for excessive roughness, combined with knowing that the favorite, Britain's Keri-Anne Payne, likes to grab and keep an early lead, prompted her to make an aggressive run one that ultimately gave her a definitive lead over five of six laps.
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