One night as I lay awake feeling the shame of my ineptitude, I began to think about my daughter.

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Amazing to think that I lay awake worrying about him, when I should have known in my silly heart that I was for the chop.

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For several nights I lay awake, considering my options.

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In bed I lay awake, thinking of my irritation, thinking of the silence, which had been, I now thought, not like some big swelling rubbery thing but like a piece of sharp metal caught in my throat.

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