Mousy and deferential, he keeps money hidden under the floorboards and, inside his uniform, an even more precious secret: he is a woman.
"You can imagine how a man, believing he is being seduced online by a sexy woman, might be all too eager to click on a link she suggests or run a malicious program on his computer, " Cluley wrote on his blog.
For a moment he is entranced by a sophisticated grey-haired woman across the road, her face obscured by a plunging hat brim.
Even in a relatively traditional marriage, he says, a property purchase is where the woman exerts her influence.
And his love for Sookie, a human woman, is a choice he has made, regardless of the scorn heaped upon him by the undead and the living alike.
When Tom is taken ill, he is cared for by a young woman with sensual lips, high cheekbones and blue-black hair.
He made a music video from the shoot where a woman is lying on a bed surrounded by iguanas, one of his favorite images from the series.
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He is said to want to nominate a woman: since the retirement of Sandra Day O'Connor, a notable swing vote on the court, only Ruth Bader Ginsburg remains, and she has been battling cancer.
He said the complaint had been made by a woman who is a senior iGate employee, with whom he said he had a "personal" relationship.
In a separate case, he is also being sued for wrongful death by the mother of a woman who died when the vehicle she was driving smashed into parked cars.
Obama himself has stated that he believes marriage is between a man and a woman, a view that also happens to be shared by Vice President-elect Joe Biden.
For instance, Mr Obama favoured same-sex marriage in 1996, only to say in 2004 when running for the Senate that he believed marriage is between a man and a woman.
"We're talking about the future head of state and I think people in Wales feel very strongly about the Prince of Wales and I think, logically, and in fairness, there should be a Princess of Wales in future if the heir to the throne is a woman, " he told BBC Wales.
"I would like to pretend that's the reason, but the main reason is she is a fantastic woman, " he gushed.
In Holy Smoke Keitel really breaks new ground, because - as a result of his character's mind games with the young woman he is trying to de-programme - he ends up wearing lipstick and sporting a red frock.
"He is the same as a son to me, " the woman sobbed, her voice fading to a cracked whimper.
It is, as he puts it, a case of a woman who - after a lifetime of virtual speechlessness - has "verbal diarrhoea".
His colleague, PC David Hair, 42, of Epping, Essex, is accused of telling a black woman colleague he thought she was "going home to cook bananas".
He then declared a belief that marriage is between a man and a woman.
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"Marriage between a man and a woman is what God wanted, " he said.
In other European cultures, if the man is from the upper strata of society, he is required to give the woman 12 pairs of gloves as a penalty.
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He has said that he is not concerned whether the next MP is a man or a woman, but simply "a good socialist with a certain amount of courage".
Today, he is presiding over a Samadhi ceremony by Keiko Aikwa, a Japanese woman better known as Yogmata, and thousands of people are walking into his compound to watch it.
More important still, for many voters, is the fact that Mr Bush married a woman he met in Mexico as a teenager and has become a fluent Spanish-speaker, a huge asset in Miami.
However, he adds, there is a rising political star who happens to be a woman.
Nannie Jeter is a black woman who helped raise Eugene Jarecki when he was growing up.
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"We're not putting plants in Asia because we want to take advantage of the cheap labor costs, " explains Peter, though he does note that almost every scientist in his Textile Effects lab is a woman with an advanced degree.
He is due to appear before magistrates later this month alongside another man and a woman.
For help he turns to a young woman, a Sorbonne-trained historian who is also a griotte.
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"This poor woman's ordeal is horrific, " he said in a statement.
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