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"It was a strange and boring day, " he says.
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His day was probably boring, but he's ready to move right past it once we're together.
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Because, clearly, there are thousands of schmucks in America living this reality every single solitary day of our boring little non-celebratory lives.
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That journey started the day he was born on New Year's day 1992, the same day George Graham's "boring, boring" Arsenal were held to a turgid 1-1 draw by Wimbledon and in the same year that England finished bottom of their Euro 92 group and started their fateful 1994 World Cup qualifying campaign.
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Your player was utterly crippled, somehow, by his acquisition of an incredibly powerful weapon, and so you press one button over and over until the game appeared to end before jetting off to the present for a modern-day platforming section so long and boring it felt like a tech demo of a jump button.
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For now this self-described "boring couple" say they look forward to the day their children would be born and raised in a post-DOMA world.
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If your work day sometimes seems to consist of nothing but boring meetings, coffee spills, and computer glitches, consider yourself lucky.
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New chair Charles Walker has a reputation as a keen parliamentary moderniser, and this inquiry may be the vehicle for a process that at least ends the weekly farce of Commons hired guns "talking out" bills by making interminable and unimaginably boring speeches - forcing ministers to kill unwelcome bills in the light of day, rather than by stealth.
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