So if watching your fantasies play out on TV doesn't quite scratch that itch, you can enact them yourself down at the range -- or get a concealed carry permit, and convince yourself that the only reason you're not Jack Bauer is that the right opportunity hasn't yet presented itself.

CNN: Not man enough? Buy a gun

The voters you need to worry about are independents like me, who are working three jobs to scratch out 35 grand a year.

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